Whether we’re voting robots into parliament or onto Monopoly boards, whenever our most cherished democratic freedom is a position to be exercised there is always a GOTV diehard around to tell us that “it doesn’t matter who you vote for as long as you vote!” The truth is that who you vote for is by far the most important part of the equation and that if you’re not going to vote for the right mayor or Fido dog mascot you should really just pack your bags like the latest Big Brother evictee and move to North Korea.
Aside from having the ability to vote incorrectly, another inherent issue with democracy is that our votes are anonymous. While this may stop things like blackmail, intimidation and fascism, it doesn’t allow us to quietly judge people based on their values. Who or what a person votes for says a lot about that person and may be a valid reason for you to not get married or to turn down vague invites to concerts with him.
Likewise, sometimes who or what a person votes for can speak volumes about his or her intelligence, sense of humour, taste, and regard for mankind. Take, for example, the current NOW Magazine “Best Of” poll that is open to anyone capable of using a web browser. Let’s just say, for instance, someone were voting in the Best Sketch Troupe category, from which he or she has the ability to nominate any troupe in the entire city. Say, for instance, this person decided to nominate Two Weird Ladies. What would this say about the voter?
First off, this wonderful person is voting for two ladies. This voter seems to have a high regard for women, seeing them as valuable members of the comedy community. This kindly person is also very socially progressive, making the statement that, yes, two women can form a meaningful, long-lasting partnership and that that is something that deserves more recognition in our society. In this case, the voter has a high regard for others.
Secondly, this hypothetical voter is voting for a sketch duo who produced a critically acclaimed Fringe show that was mentioned as a “best of” production by a couple of the most respected comedy critics in the city. By voting for a duo respected by experts, this voter is showing off his or her great taste in comedy.
Thirdly, based on the fact that Two Weird Ladies tend to write sketches inspired by real life scenarios and don’t usually resort to x-rated shock humour, the voter is clearly empathetic, classy and (let’s assume) highly attractive.
From this example we can clearly see that the type of person who would nominate Two Weird Ladies for Best Sketch Troupe as part of NOW Magazine’s Best Of Toronto Reader’s Poll is basically a supreme being who is perfect in every way. If voting were not anonymous we could recognize such people on the street and throw rose petals at them and ask them to kiss our babies for luck. The way things are now, we can’t let anyone on the street kiss our babies as we have no way of knowing who voted for Pierre Trudeau or who voted for Ruben Studdard. Or who has Hepatitis B.
Every vote really does count, and this is the problem. If we only allowed people who were going to vote properly (i.e. the type who had it in their hearts to vote for Two Weird Ladies) to vote, perhaps kittens would be confined to the safety of our homes, and not in the place of an awesome robot on the Monopoly board or the arms of an awkward robot in parliament.
If you are a caring, intelligent, empathetic, classy, attractive web-browser-user with great comedic taste and regard for the human race, please click here and nominate Two Weird Ladies for Best Sketch Troupe. Thank you!